actually, I'm a sock model
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
