It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
