yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
