just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
