Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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