I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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