if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
