one word: firstdatebathroomanal
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
