dude i'm inner monologue high
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
jump out the window naked night went bad
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
