How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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