shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
