No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I cut my penus on the lid.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
