I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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