i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
