Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
