idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
