I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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