So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
