How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
