Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
