drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I am available for nakedness
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
