Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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