I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
