I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
