You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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