The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
