Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
