Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
