remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
