dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
