Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
