the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
