then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
