I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
