So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
