there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
