he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
