Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
