Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I have fence marks all over my body
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
