nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
