I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
