ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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