I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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