it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
