this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
