She's JV to your varsity
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
