I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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