So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
