I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
