are you still at the devil's house?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
