I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
