you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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