Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
