She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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