This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
