There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
